It’s my party

Or at least it will be.

A few years ago I pretty much planned out my funeral the way I want it to be handled. I did this mainly because I didn’t want my kids to have to do it, no matter how old they happen to be when I pass. At the time, I gave my unfinished draft to the local funeral director (who I happen to know personally), but I haven’t actually finalized or legalized it yet.

Every once in awhile something will happen that reminds me that I need to wrap up my death wishes so that when I do die, I can rest assured that at least one of the things in my life went according to my plan.

Today, I was talking to a friend, who thought it was very funny that I am actually banning a certain couple of people from my funeral. It’s not funny, really. It’s serious. It could be worse, because if these people were to happen to show up and shed even one tear over my dead body, I would reach up from the casket and strangle their neck. Dead and all, I would do that. So, it’s for their own good.

Am I bitter? No. Sort of. However, my funeral will be a celebration of my life (not my death), of which these people gave no shit about, and had no qualms about letting me know this. Therefore, they don’t deserve to all of a sudden care about me….when I’m dead. Basically, if they cry, they’ll be a) lying or b) begging for un-deserved sympathy. Nope. Not on my time they won’t.

It’s my final party, and I’m going to do it none other than, my way! This amazing song that pretty much sums up my story, will be the last. . .

. . . following Ozzy Osbourne and Billy Joel and Kansas and . . . others.

Yes, it will be, my way.

Love Stinks!

My Facebook status a few days ago:

“Valentines Day is showing up (eh…more like THROWING UP) all over the freakin place. This is one holiday I can’t stand!!!!!

A male co-worker friend of mine was brave enough to chime in with all the women who agreed with and “liked” my status and said:

“Damn….feel the hate……I thought this was a new year?

I replied:

Oh (co-worker) tell me you like it any more than I do….and I’ll call you a liar. It’s dumb! And of course it’s a new year…but no one said I had to love “LOVE”. 

Trust me. If there’s anything in this world that I know, I know one thing fo sho, LOVE STINKS!!! (And, yea yea, it does make you cry!) So? In spite of the new year and the fact that “love” is suppose to be one of my ‘words of the year’ that I work on doing better….I still don’t love “LOVE”. (It’s still January, people. I need time! Jeesh.)

Go ahead Sandler, tell’em exactly how I feel about that stupid “L” word (with the exception of one minor disagreement…cake is not stupid…unless it’s ‘Cupcake’. Just sayin)

My-Tunes

In response to a recent post I made, a friend, and reader of my blog, asked me if I ever have a song running through my head when I am low.

Being the music fanatic that I am, I always have a song in my head. As with most thoughts, if it’s in my head it comes out my mouth. Yes, I pretty much sing constantly. However, it must be noted that I am no Whitney Houston, either, so this can get pretty annoying to those who spend any amount of time around me.

The guys I work with tend to learn to hate the songs that get stuck in my head; not just because I can’t carry much of a tune (if any), but also because there are very few songs that I know all the lyrics to. So I just repeat the same verse over and over. And over and over. And over.

I would love to make an album of my life story with songs that have been recorded. I love lyrics (and deconstructing those) that I can relate to no matter what the genre. It’s pretty safe to call me a radio-channel-surfer. But of course, as we all know, my ultimate fave is Kid Rock.

Generally speaking, the music I listen to almost always reflects the mood that I’m in. When I’m in a good mood, I prefer upbeat tempos, but I can pretty much listen to anything; especially if I can sing along to it. During low/sad/down times, happy songs annoy me. Bad!

As for particular songs that I listen to when I’m low, I love Kid Rock’s version of  “Drift Away” (almost as much as I LOVE watching him on that video!). His songs “Only God Knows Why” and “Cold and Empty” speak to my melancholy as well. Lately I’ve been stuck on Rob Thomas, too. I adore “Her Diamonds” from his latest album. Then of course, there’s always Matchbox Twenty, “Unwell”,  and Hootie and the Blowfish, “Let Her Cry” (and for the record, I despise Hootie without the Blowfish).

One of my all-time favorite songs is “Carry on My Wayward Son”. I want that played at my funeral. (Seriously).

With my dream of being a Rock Star, if only for a day, I would LOVE to be able to play the guitar as an outlet, too. I totally rock out on Guitar Hero, and sometimes put on imaginary concerts with my broom while I’m cleaning. The hairbrush in the car, is pretty much hilarious for those sharing the road (or riding along) with me, but it’s true…I do that. I am a highway concert virtuoso, in and of myself!

My mood isn’t much better today than it was yesterday, but the song on my brain right now (even though I am in a mood to despise Christmas carols) is “Let it snow, let it snow, let it fucking snow”.

Thank you. Thank you very much.