I need to learn this lesson. Bad.

So, I’ve tossed away my biggest denials of the movie and fears of reality (for two hours anyway) and on the big screen as I write is

Yep. I can so relate. The question is, will I learn the valuable lesson? Finally.

Dear TL,

Today, while delegating my ‘Missouri-home’-chores to my awesome friends so I can be in Illinois at the hospital with my grandpa, I was reminded not to worry; “you’ll have your life forever, but not him.”

Irony? I don’t think so. Just a gentle reminder.

Sometimes I miss you. Sometimes I wish you were here. Sometimes I wish wishes came true. Sometimes I’m glad they don’t. Sometimes I want you to see how beautiful and amazing the kids have become. Sometimes I hope you know you’re still in their heart. Sometimes I hope they’re still in yours. Sometimes I hope you know you’ll be in mine . . .

“Forever”.

Wherever you are, I hope you’re happy.

Whatever you wish for, I wish for you.

Happy Birthday.

Cathy: How can the groundhog see his shadow when the sun isn’t out??? We need our own groundhog here in St. Louis. Really.

Rob: Actually, we do have one at the Zoo, and he didn’t see his shadow this morning.

Cathy: Nice. So we don’t have six more weeks of winter? Who is the deciding groundhog??

Me: I hope it’s the one at the Zoo.

Rob: Well, I would have to say God, but that’s just me.

* * * * * *

Dear winter,

If you’re going to be sticking around for another 6 weeks, you’d better be on your best behavior!

P.S. Don’t forget; I have pepper spray.

Me.

A few years ago I pretty much planned out my funeral the way I want it to be handled. I did this mainly because I didn’t want my kids to have to do it, no matter how old they happen to be when I pass. At the time, I gave my unfinished draft to the local funeral director (who I happen to know personally), but I haven’t actually finalized or legalized it yet.

Every once in awhile something will happen that reminds me that I need to wrap up my death wishes so that when I do die, I can rest assured that at least one of the things in my life went according to my plan.

Today, I was talking to a friend, who thought it was very funny that I am actually banning a certain couple of people from my funeral. It’s not funny, really. It’s serious. It could be worse, because if these people were to happen to show up and shed even one tear over my dead body, I would reach up from the casket and strangle their neck. Dead and all, I would do that. So, it’s for their own good.

Am I bitter? No. Sort of. However, my funeral will be a celebration of my life (not my death), of which these people gave no shit about, and had no qualms about letting me know this. Therefore, they don’t deserve to all of a sudden care about me….when I’m dead. Basically, if they cry, they’ll be a) lying or b) begging for un-deserved sympathy. Nope. Not on my time they won’t.

It’s my final party, and I’m going to do it none other than, my way! This amazing song that pretty much sums up my story, will be the last. . .

. . . following Ozzy Osbourne and Billy Joel and Kansas and . . . others.

Yes, it will be, my way.

Wherever you go, go with all your heart. ~ Confucius

(I ‘stumbled upon’ this photo once and saved it without knowing who to give credit to; so if you know, please share. Thank you)

from XLBF, via email . . . this morning. :/

It’s Karma, people. Karma. She’s a two-faced bitch that re-cycles universal forces of energy which stem from our own previous behaviors. And man oh man that girl don’t miss a beat, either.

Merely seconds after I clicked the “publish” button on that last post, (the one I wrote while dreaming of making a humongously big beautiful chocolatey birthday CUPCAKE topped with luscious yummy very colorful whipped cream icing and lots of pretty sprinkles…and then smashing it into XLBF’s face, {or maybe smearing it on his Jordan’s}). . .

The bitch dumped spaghetti in my lap!

Now tell me why, in the hell, she has to be like that? And why can’t she bring her “good” self around just as quickly as she pulls shit like this? I mean seriously.

A few posts ago I wrote something about fictional characters as heroes. You know, now that I think about it, I’d like to be Karma. Just for a day.

Except, I don’t think she’s fictional. I think she’s very real. In fact, I know she is.

Stupid badass bitch.

“Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe, you have to let go of who you were to become who you will be.” ~ Carrie Bradshaw